Yoda's Resume

Name: Yoda

Current Occupation: Jedi Master teaching from beyond the grave, Philosopher

Employment Objective: To obtain gainful employment within the unionized work force of the meat packing industry

Education: Due to the millenia that have passed between graduation and present time, education is irrelevant

Employment History:

• Jedi Master/Trainer - Up to the time of death, trained Luke Skywalker to become Jedi Knight. Despite Skywalker's fears, anger, and stubbornness, Yoda was able to help his student learn to control the Force more acutely.
• Hermit - Between the time of Darth Vader's turn to the Dark Side and the time when Skywalker found him in a swamp on Dagobah, Yoda practiced housekeeping, humming, gardening, sleeping, walking with a cane, and growing unusually long hair in unusual places. Had access been available, Yoda would have achieved 'Master' status for each of these activities.
• Jedi Master/General - During the Clone Wars, Yoda was a key figure in leading his soldiers in battle, as well as rescuing other notable figures who achieve fame in future Star Wars Episodes. It was during this time that Yoda acquired his taste for pink cotton candy and his love of eau de pond scum.
• Jedi Master/Council Member - Sitting on the Jedi Council, Yoda forewarned Obe Wan Kenobe and Anakin Skywalker of the impending doom facing everyone. They should have listened. Other notable trainees include Count Dooku, Mace Windu, Obe Wan Kenobe, Ki Adi Mundi, and Master Oppo Rancisis.
• Jedi Master/Academy Teacher - Aboard starship Chu'unthor, Yoda taught numerous pupils of the Force and how to use it for good. He was also noted for his flirtatious behavior with the female school nurse who stood a full seven feet taller than he.
• Jedi Master - Becoming one with the force, Yoda has been universally recognized as the most omnipotent and omniscious of all Jedi; however, the rank of Jedi Master only came after training San Qi Guonkow to become a Jedi Knight.
• Recluse - After completing Jedi training, Yoda spent a century in self-imposed solitude to become one with the Force. His butt also became one with the chair and he thought of using a chainsaw to free himself before he realized he just needed to trust his feelings.
• Jedi Knight - Successful completion of Yoda's training as a Jedi earned him honors and a new convertible VW Rabbit.
• Jedi Padawan - No official record exists to provide evidence of Yoda's experience as a Padawan, though many historians agree that geological record and fossil clues indicate he was trained under Miso Yako Urdu.
• Jedi Apprentice - No official record has been kept and Yoda himself does not remember this time of his life, most likely due to the tremendous amount of time he spent at keggers in the dorms.
• Janitor - Although reluctant to admit this position, Yoda's first job was cleaning up the bantha fodder at the Tusken Raiders' breeding farms on Tatooine. During his first year there, he met Buddha and decided to create a Jedi religion. Though many scholars argue that the Jedi sect has existed for tens of thousands of years, this claim cannot be proven as no universally acceptable or recognized record of Jedis exist before Yoda.

Skills:

• Telekinesis
• Foresight/Prophecy
• Nirvana
• Empathy
• Lightsaberist
• Ataru
• Gymnastics
• Knitting
• Public Speaking
• Plumbing

Interests:

• Rock climbing
• Cross dressing
• Ouija boards
• Etymology
• Oncology
• Linux